If you thought this season was a nightmare already, wait until you hear this. The title of this article is literal. I had a nightmare about the Celtics last night that was so bizarre that it only makes sense to document it as a story.
It was one of those meta dreams where it starts with you waking up so it feels a little more real. So, I wake up and my TV is on. It's a replay of Brad Stevens' press conference from the night before. He's pretty upset to say the least. As Brad Stevens is talking the score and stats are running across the bottom of the screen.
Kyrie Irving scored 54 points...
The Celtics lost 114-62 to the Thunder.
In my dream world I fell asleep before the game started, so even though I was baffled as to how exactly the rest of the Celtics only scored 8 points, I had to believe it was somehow true. I was so baffled at how much he scored that I didn't get to see what his field goal percentage in the game was, but I can only imagine it was bad.
Russell Westbrook was also 6-8 on three's, which you could almost argue is the most ridiculous part. That's where Brad Stevens' press conference picked up. "When Westbrook has a night like he did tonight, there's really not much you can do. A guy like Kyrie can keep you in it, but not much more than that when the rest of the team plays like they did.
(It was a dream, so most of Brad Stevens press conference was pretty incoherent.)
Stevens was then asked about leaving bad shooters open, to which he responded, "You can't play the percentages like that. You can't leave a guy open thinking he will miss just because he's a worse shooter than someone else. When you start playing the percentages on defense, then you start playing the percentages on offense and that doesn't work. I remember... oh what's his name... back in the 40s, whoever the logo was before Jerry West, he used to say..."
It kind of cut off from there, but it did get me thinking, who was the logo before Jerry West? They had to have had one, right? Through some digging, I was actually able to find three and the results might be even more horrifying that the dream...
Those are just pathetic. The first two look more like a baseball and a football than basketballs and the third one legitimately looks like it was done by a 2nd grader. It turns out there's no player on any of these, but I suppose the dream version of Brad Stevens wouldn't have known that.
It was horrifying. Perhaps the worst nightmare I've ever had. Maybe 2nd next to the time I was stuck in a church that was being robbed. Or maybe 3rd also behind the time I was trapped in a box in the desert amongst a circle of other boxes and the Wiggles dog had a giant mallet which he was smashing all of the boxes with...
but those are stories for another time...
Photo: (Sue Ogrocki - AP Photo)