Minor League baseball is the greatest. Teams feature bizarre promo nights to get people’s butts in the seats, and they usually design equally as compelling/disturbing uniforms to coincide with the theme of the promo. It equals unabashed joy for all who enter the turnstiles on a lazy Tuesday night in July (Saved by the Bell Night anyone? Johnny Cash Night? Team Logo Tighty Whities Giveaway? Purr in the Park? What...you don’t want to bring your cat to the ballgame?) I’ve been to many a Star Wars Night at McCoy Stadium in Pawtucket, and the Force is always strong with us all
So the other day I was missing baseball, so I started perusing the World Wide Web and I came across an awesome “challenge” post from one of my baseball Facebook groups. To summarize, the post mentioned several of the more fun, ridiculous and obscure minor league baseball team names. Some of the highlights from the list include the following:
El Paso Chihuahuas
Akron Rubber Ducks
New Orleans Baby Cakes
Binghamton Rumble Ponies
Albuquerque Isotopes (for all you Simpsons fans)
And my personal favorite, The Hartford Yard Goats (shout out to my UHA posse, 1993-1995).
Reading the names of these kooky teams while simultaneously running Google searches for their sometimes gaudy, sometimes brilliant logo designs will send you down a black hole of internet bliss. But the best part of the post was the “game” that the accompanying meme challenged readers to participate in.
It’s one of those posts that are like, “Take your first initial, the name of your first pet, and the street you live on and that’s your ‘Presidential Name’” type time wasters.
(President M. Waffles Moore, FYI)
So this one asks group members to take the town they grew up in, the last weather they experienced, and an animal whose name begins with their middle initial to create their own minor league baseball team. The responses had me smiling broadly, and a few of them had me ROTFLing as well. So I took some of the best ones and ran a quick Google Image search to also give you their “logos” if they actually existed.
Without further ado…
Asheville Ice Rodents - Perfect movie tie-in to the Ice Age Movie Franchise
Ulysses Snow Squids - There were soooooooo many Snow Squid images (seriously) but this one was the most pathetic, so I went with it. It’s charming in a “I’m an ugly aquatic sea creature made out of frozen precipitation” kind of way (you guys can relate).
Frankfort Storm Turtles - Lots of TMNT images on the Google search. No thanks, I’ll take the battle armor turtle any day. Do turtles need armor for storms? Don’t they have shells? Spring Training really needs to start soon. I’m losing it.
San Francisco Smog Aardvarks - Absolutely phenomenal name. Too bad the Giants already exist. Just pretend there's smog engulfing this cutie! This guy also kind of resembles Sy Snootles' keyboardist in Return of the Jedi, Max Rebo. See? Another great tie-in idea!
Trumansburg Heat Seagulls - I need this logo on a T-Shirt like I need air. You'd have to incorporate a baseball in there somewhere. Perhaps the seagull is defecating out the baseball? Too gross?
St. Lucie Thunder Goats - Not sure which logo I enjoy more. The Grateful Deadish abstract one, the take on the seminal Thundercats logo inspired one, or the Marvel Comics’ Thor inspired one. Regardless, I think goats and baseball team names go hand-in-hand.
Westport Mist Gerbils - Full disclosure, this image is of a very British version of a rat, not a gerbil. Whatever. A rodent dressed as a high class Victorian lord with (you'll have to picture it) that London fog/mist creeping in is pretty dope.
Dickenson Sleet Beavers - Without question the most amazing fake team name in fake team name history. The fact that they’re from Dickenson, the fact that there’s sleet (the most physically intrusive variant of precipitation) and the fact that beavers are buck-toothed, aquatic dam building mammals is enough for me to declare them the best MiLB name from this feed. The image has nothing to do with sleet, but if an illustration of a beaver drinking a martini doesn’t bring you joy then you’re dead inside.
So go ahead...play the game and leave me a comment. Good, clean, free fun. Unlike my trip to Vegas in early 2000. Speaking of Vegas…
Absolutely out of this world!
Photos: Associated Press, Ice Age Wikia, Jurysinns.com, colourbox, wookiepedia, thundergoats.com, Bandcamp, Deviant Art, Rattrails.com, Tom Bachtelli/New Yorkere Magazine, MiLB.com